Part Way Through Chapter Seven
A weekly catch up to find out how you're all doing.
Are you a perfectionist?
For years I’ve always denied I was a perfectionist. After all, I would always put out work on my blog or on Instagram that I knew wasn’t perfect, but I also knew done was better than perfect.
But in the last few years, through writing in my journal and essays that have grown from these journaling thoughts, I’ve realised that yes, I am a perfectionist. With my writing projects.
This is why I take ages to start a project because I don’t think I will be able to create something as good as it looks in my head. It’s why I have struggled to complete my novel and my proposal because I think it’ll never be good enough; so I edit draft after draft after draft. I always struggle to finish a writing project.
It’s also why I have to divide my writing projects into tiny steps. Like I’m tricking myself to make progress without looking ahead at the finished project.
I like what Julia has written about perfectionism in chapter seven. I also like this quote:
The perfectionist writes, paints, creates with one eye on her audience.
Just yesterday I saw a writer say on a tweet or Substack note that she writes to inspire an audience. And I thought, well, that’s a lot of weight on the shoulders of the audience as well as herself. And it reminded me of Elizabeth Gilbert who said, in Big Magic:
“Whenever anybody tells me that they want to write a book in order to help other people, I always think, Oh, please don’t.
Please don’t try to help me.
I mean, it is very kind of you to want to help people, but please don’t make it your sole creative motive, because we will feel the weight of your heavy intention, and it will put a strain upon our souls.”
Whenever I’m stuck on writing my book it’s often because I’m thinking of the audience. Whenever I find the words spilling out of me it’s because I’m thinking of the words that will help me. It’s when I’m writing to save myself.
These are just some of the thoughts I had whilst reading the first few pages of Week Seven. I don’t know if I’ve quite linked them up, it’s a work in progress, but that’s where I am right now.
The rest of my week has gone okay. I had a big revelation with the ‘woo’ person that I’m seeing (kinesiology practitioner) and, combined with the morning pages, I’m feeling more positive, more go-getting, and more energetic. Plus, did I mention I’ve finished my book proposal? I sent it to Claire, who generously agreed to be my beta reader and have some notes from her to incorporate. And then it will be ready for my first agent.
Did Julia and the morning pages help me get to this point? The sceptic in me is still saying no. But, I’m going to have to admit there’s something in The Artist’s Way…
So, fellow Book-Clubbers. That’s my thoughts for this week. A bit more positive than two weeks ago!
How are you feeling this week?
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Hi Helen, you have brought to light so many similarities, through your own experiences. Yes, I am a perfectionist and reading through Chapter Seven, I am realising that this “need” to be a perfectionist, for me is from a lack of self-confidence and comparing myself with other writers, as I feel that I have shortchanged myself by starting so late in my life, and this is affecting my writing on Substack, so I find I procrastinate in writing and take much longer to finish one newsletter.
This has weighed me down for years, and now through TAW, it is all surfacing. I also battle with feelings of envy, which I never had before, and that sabotages my writing by hurting my self-esteem. I continue to struggle with “perfecting” my Substack - see that is what I mean. My time feels wasted, and I actually make myself sick and then I end up staying in bed and this makes this procrastinating cycle more vicious.
Phew, I feel so much better having written it all and taking it out of my head. It feels like Morning Pages. 😊