Do You Keep Procrastinating on Your Writing Project?
Are you terrified of getting something wrong?
“In the most basic terms, what we need to do is start acting and risking and failing, and stop mumbling and apologising and prevaricating. It isn’t that women don’t have the ability to succeed; it’s that we don’t seem to believe we can succeed, and that stops us from even trying. Women are so keen to get everything just right that we are terrified of getting something wrong. But, if we don’t take risks, we’ll never reach the next level.”
- Excerpt from The Confidence Code by Katty Kay & Claire Shipman
In recent years I’ve heard the following conversations:
“Well done, Emily, you played really well.”
“Oh, I don’t think I was any good.”
This was a conversation I had with my daughter’s friend (aged 12) in an under-13 hockey match.
“I’m so dumb when I try and do this.”
A conversation recounted to me in The Confident Creative Club about a woman in her sixties on a creative retreat.
“I’m not a real writer.”
A woman in her late thirties on my writing course.
“I don’t deserve to be living a creative life.”
One of my mentees (in her fifties).
“Who am I to think I can speak about journaling for writers to other writers.”
Me to myself (mid-forties) before an online masterclass.
In addition to these anecdotes, a survey of my Instagram followers about creativity and confidence found over 90% of respondents didn’t feel ‘good enough’.
Being unconfident around your writing, creativity or other interests like sports is not a new phenomenon. Despite the magnificent strides women have made in the last few decades we’re still unsure of our abilities, extremely self-critical, fear success and failure and compare ourselves unfavourably with others. It starts from a young age and continues throughout our lives. Is it just the way women are ‘built’? Is it our hormones? Though reluctant to blame hormones for everything I can see a link between my hormones (teenager, pregnant and the perimenopause) and how little confidence I have. Or is it society? The patriarchy? Even misogyny? From talking to various women over the years in my line of work it appears that it is the same or similar for lots of us.
The above is all taken from my non-fiction book proposal about creativity and confidence which I submitted to three literary agents last year. I had planned to send it out to another twelve agents this year, it’s on my to-do list every single week but I just can’t bring myself to write the damn emails.
Last night, in the shower, my brain starting to close down for sleep I suddenly realised why.
My letter to a literary agent has to be perfect. It had to grab her attention, it had to knock her off her feet, it had to shout that I was a bloody good bet. It had to be right. So right that I am, in fact, absolutely terrified of getting something wrong.
And so I don’t even try.
I am stuck in a perfectionism loop.
I’ve convinced myself that I’m only going to get rejected again. That my proposal will never be good enough because it’s not perfect. I mean, it’s good, I do believe that. And it’s professionally put together. I am (or was!) pleased with it when I finished it. But because I’m doubting the email that I’m sending with the proposal I’m also doubting the proposal. You know how things in your mind unravel when you’re doubting one aspect? It’s not long before the entire project feels futile.
The online advice tells you that this introductory email is incredibly important. But to a perfectionist that translates to: you may as well not bother because it’ll never be good enough.
But never fear, I do have a solution. I’m simply going to tell myself that it doesn’t have to be perfect. I know, genius right? It may sound stupidly simple but believe it or not, when I told myself that last night, and then dictated into my phone (I’d just come out the shower and needed to get my thoughts down in a hurry!) that I could aim for 80% perfect instead of 100% - I felt a weight come off my shoulders.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
Well, if that’s the case I’ll give it a go. It doesn’t seem as scary anymore.
So, my question to you today is this.
Is there something creative you want to do but keep putting it off? Maybe you want to start a Substack newsletter, write a book, begin a YouTube channel, scribble down poetry or short stories?
If yes, is the procrastination because you have set such high standards for how good it’s got to be that it feels intimidating and overwhelming?
Because it is okay for it not to be 100% perfect. It’s okay if you just give it a go and see what happens. It’s okay if it’s bad. It’s okay to fail. That is how we learn, that is how we get better.
But it’s also okay to admit you’re scared. Scared of getting it wrong. And scared of getting it right.
We have to take risks. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? If I get rejected I’ll move onto another agent, perhaps learning something about my submission email and editing it so it’s that little bit better.
I have to stop being terrified of getting something wrong and just do it. So, that’s what I’m going to do. Pep talk over.
Further reading:
WHY HAVE I...only submitted to three literary agents since finishing my book proposal in 2024?
Full disclosure: I wrote the title for this article and then picked my phone up to scroll for a good ten minutes because I was so reluctant to deep dive into it. This is a hard one for me to admit to and a hard one for me to delve into. After all, what does it say about me and my faith in my writing, my idea and the finished proposal if I can’t find the nerve to submit it?
I squawked "yes!" in reply to your title question 😂 I had a similar 'shower revelation' the other day, thinking about the book I'm trying to write, when I realised: "It doesn't have to be long!" I get to decide what my book is like, and maybe it's not 80,000 words. I didn't realise that was blocking me, but it definitely felt like a weight off to let it go.
Oh my goodness I relate to every word of this