Anniversary Essay: Two Years of Behind-the-Scenes from My Substack

Lessons I've learned after two years and my growth

It has been two years since I’ve been writing my Substack newsletter so I should be a bit of a pro at it by now. But the truth is, I took my eye off the ball for a bit and sometimes it feels like I’m still at the beginning of this ongoing creative project.

A year ago I wrote my one year anniversary essay. And in that essay I explained that it had taken me a long time to start my Substack. I had big fears, imposter syndrome, and was overthinking and second-guessing all my thoughts about what I would write, whether my small current subscribers from another platform would like the changes (and what would happen if they didn’t) and the pressure I felt of writing for an audience who invested their email address with me, or even their hard-earned pennies.

Despite all of this, and despite delaying the launch of my Substack by writing on Medium for a while, I started ‘The Red Fern’, which is what I used to call this newsletter and threw myself into it.

I’ve written a lot, I’ve created a podcast; interviewing other writers and teaming up with Claire to talk about our Substack adventures. When Notes was launched I took full advantage of them and gained a lot of traction and subscribers from there for a short time.

And I wrote that I was putting my Substack ‘at the centre of my writing empire’.

And then…I kind of lost my buzz for a while. I don’t think this was Substack related I think this was burnout, anxiety and general what-the-hell-is-going-on-with-my-life related. Plus, I was working on my non-fiction book proposal and didn’t have the mental energy to do both at that time.

But I’ve come through all of that and I’m still here. Which is kind of awesome. Because my creative past is littered with projects that I’ve started and discarded over the years. So, for that, I am incredibly proud of myself. As my friend told me a few days ago, I don’t acknowledge my achievements as much as I should, I’m incredibly hard on myself, so I am making a point to nod and say, ‘yeah, Helen, you’re doing alright’.

My Biggest Lesson

I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned, or in fact I'm currently learning right now (and it’s a slow process) - is to unapologetically be myself on here. To write about what I want, to not worry if I’m boring people, or if I’m going off topic or outside of my niche. This is my space to write what’s going on in my head. Writing is cathartic for me.

And yes, I worry a little about people over-analysing me or my words, especially when I write about my mental health. I worry about boring people (oh God, she’s not writing about her mental health again is she?), I mine my own life a lot for content, and I worry - sometimes - about being that little too open and vulnerable, especially as in real life I’m actually a really private person and it takes a lot for me to open up to somebody. Plus, in real-life I actually hate talking about myself. I find it tedious and embarrassing and try to change the subject. So my Substack is my outlet and sometimes maybe it’s a little too full on.

It’s Okay to Make Changes

A lesson I have also learned, but I have to keep reminding myself of, is that nothing is set in stone. If you want to pivot, or change the name of your Substack or add something radically different then not only is that okay to do, I think it should also be encouraged. I find my Substack is a journey as a writer and creative. It is a place to explore who you are as a writer, how you write, what your writing interests are and lots more including whether you have the talent to be a podcaster or create video. It’s okay to do different things, to write about different subjects. That’s how we grow as writers.

When we do think about making changes we can often worry about what our audience expects from us and whether they’d leave if we did something different. But to that I say, you have to go where the writing takes you. Otherwise it becomes a chore. You’re writing for others and not yourself. And what do you get from that?

Time Off

Something I often worry about, although I am getting better, is taking time away from my Substack. Especially with having paid subscribers. I like to think I give value for money - and I always want to give more than I have the time or energy for. This can lead to writing when I don’t have any energy leading to burnout and overbearing feelings of guilt for taking time off.

I know some people have plans and content calendars so they can account for that time and still upload whilst sipping cocktails on a beach but I am very much a write it then publish it kind of writer. I would love to be more organised and plan ahead - and I’m hoping to work on that in the second half of this year.

My Analytics

I know people say we shouldn’t get obsessed by numbers. We shouldn’t look at them. We shouldn’t judge our worth by them. It’s hard. Especially when I look at my numbers between this time last year and now. I have grown, yes there’s no doubt about it, but when you see the growth of some other writers sometimes it can feel like a bloody hard slog. Because we all want to be read, right?

And I write that fully aware that you might read my numbers and think, what does she have to feel down about? Those numbers are great. So, I’d like to stress I don’t feel down about them, it’s just the competitor in me always striving for more. But, like I said at the beginning of this piece, I do acknowledge when I’ve done something well.

So here we are.

On 17th June 2022 I imported 945 subscribers.

On 7th June 2023 I had 1482 subscribers and 61 paid (consisting of 53 actual paid, 6 comps and 2 gifted)

On 7th June 2024 I have 2442 subscribers and 110 paid (consisting of 93 actual paid, 16 comps and 1 gift).

In year one I grew by 537 subscribers.

In year two I grew by 960 subscribers.

(Yeah, Helen, you’re doing alright.)

(I’d still like to get that checkmark by my name, though. It’s the little things!)

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Now, obviously I hope you don’t think I sound glib when I talk about number of subscribers. I love writing my Substack. I love the outlet, I love how I can explore subjects that are dear to my heart and when I get an email or comment telling me how what I’ve written has helped a reader - this is one of the best feelings a writer can get. It’s joyous.

But I don’t like to be stationary and numbers of subscribers is one of the ways I know my writing is reaching more people. And perhaps helping more people or entertaining more people. Yes, there are other, better, metrics but these numbers are the most basic and the ones that can be seen by a click of the button.

Paid subscribers are also incredibly important to me. I’m incredibly grateful to all of you. Not only does this allow me to earn a modest income from my writing, it also gives me a massive boost in confidence knowing people would pay money to read my words or simply to support me. So thank you.

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If you would like to support me on my Substack writing journey and get access to more vulnerable writing, to the community of The Non-Fiction Book Club, to masterclasses and workshops you can sign up now for a discount of 35% off to celebrate my two year anniversary.

This offer is for both annual and monthly subscriptions but only lasts for this weekend - until Sunday 9th.

As a paid subscriber you’ll get to read more of my writing. Particularly the more vulnerable posts like the one I wrote and published earlier this week called Anxiety and Me or the one from a few weeks ago How Making Friends (in my Forties) Has Given Me More Confidence With My Writing. There’s also this one, Toxic Friendships and Their Impact on Your Creative Mindset, which felt super vulnerable to share.

All my posts go behind a paywall after six weeks so you’ll also be able to go through two years of archives. Some of my favourites from that time include: You are NOT lazy, Why I romanticise my writing life and The paradox of wanting to be read but not wanting to be seen.

In addition you can join in with the monthly* creative planning workshop via Zoom. There’s more information in the events tab.

And I have a masterclass available about how your writing notebooks can provide creative ideas and content in addition to helping you with your creative direction, goals and strategy.

Once I’ve got the anxiety under control I also hope to provide more masterclasses in the future.

*it’s most months not every month.

Plus there’s The Non-Fiction Book Club. Everyone is free to take part but only paid subscribers can comment and read the comments to create a safe environment for everyone. The intention is to choose books that will help us with our creativity and our mindset.

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This is no hard sell from me. Please feel free to ignore if this is not for you. I just wanted to do something special to mark my two year anniversary.

Of course, as always, if you don’t have the funds but would like to have access then just drop me an email.

Thank you once again for reading my writing, commenting on it or liking it and for supporting me.

Helen x