Part Way Through Chapter Eight
A weekly catch up to find out how you're all doing.
Apologies, it’s been a funny old week for me and so this catch-up post comes a little late. I have a feeling it’s going to be a little short, too - I’m currently perched on my bed and shortly I’m going to have to make dinner, but I wanted to gather my thoughts here before I forget them.
In last week’s Book Club post I wrote the following:
And my artist’s date? Well, I’m struggling to do things alone. I’ll watch programmes on my own. I’ll listen to podcasts on my own. But going to watch a string quartet? Well, I want to go with friends. Watching my daughter sing in her band? Yep, I’m going to be with my friends too. Booking tickets for a musical in the summer? I will be going with friends and my daughter thank you very much. I’ve done so much on my own over the past few years, maybe even the last decade or more, that now I’m deliberately seeking out time with friends. It’s good for my mental health and you will not convince me to do activities solitary just because it’s been written in a book.
That last line makes me sound quite angry with Julia, and maybe I was at the time. But this week I’ve deliberately sought out solitary. I’ve watched a film or three (I wrote about this in The Little Lies We Tell Ourselves) and today I started to read a book - I’ve not read fiction in such a long time (I’m re-reading Marian Keyes’ Anybody Out There in order to read her latest hardback which has the same character, Anna Walsh). But then stopped reading that one when The Outsiders popped through my letter box.
I’ve never read The Outsiders by S E Hinton before, never seen the film (at least, I don’t think I have) but it was an important book to a friend of mine so I sat and tried out the first few pages.
Two hours later I’d finished it. And wow did I feel good. Not just because of the story, as I thoroughly enjoyed it. But because I’d allowed myself the time to sit and read. To absorb the words.
To refill my creative well.
Because, quite frankly this is what I think I’ve been dearly missing for months. This is why I’ve been struggling. But, I had to get into the right mindset to realise that - and that’s where the morning pages come in because I am back to writing two full A4 pages a day and I’m loving it.
I get angry, I get sweary, I get introspective and ask myself questions. I’m writing down a particular affirmation. And I’m now looking forward to writing the words whereas before it was feeling like a chore.
Taking a couple of hours to myself to read today felt like a massive indulgence. But I did it and feel all the better for it. And I’m feeling so much more inspired.
How are you feeling this week?
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Hello 🙂
(because I kept to the weekly AW schedule I've actually finished - I shall hang on to my thoughts about it 'til we all get there).
Except this thought - and your post really made me properly notice this. I stopped doing morning pages and affirmations when I got to the end of week 12 in an "oh thank god *that's* over" end of exams kind of way. Doing AW was a lot, I felt like I'd "done" it. However, since stopping doing MPs my impostery feelings/spiralling thoughts/negative talk, yes, IT'S ALL BACK. I just said to my husband "I feel like my brain is actually on fire".
So I'm starting MPs again tomorrow, I'm interested to see if that alone - without all the exercises - works as Julia C says it does (and I'll most likely end up doing some affirmations too, while I'm about it).
I struggled with Artist Dates the whole time, by the way...I think I will just sit and read for a bit this afternoon.