The Journey of a Book is my monthly series about writing a non-fiction book proposal and preparing it for submission. If you’d like to follow the journey (and read the previous essays) you can change your subscription here:
The longer I’ve left it the harder it is to write it.
Back in November/December of 2022 after a successful year where I’d managed to temporarily quash my lack of confidence, doubts and fears and pull together a very detailed book proposal with chapter headings, chapter summaries, details of who the book is aimed at, who the competitors are and how I would market it - I printed it all out and left it for a week or so to allow it to ‘rest’ with the intent of coming back to it with fresh eyes for one last edit before submitting.
I had made a list of five agents I’d like to send it to. The one from the top of my list throughout 2022 hadn’t been taking on new clients. This made me think there wasn’t a rush but it would be nice to get it finished so it was ready to send to her as soon as she opened up again.
She’s been accepting submissions for six weeks, and I haven’t sent it.
In addition, I am thinking about emailing my former agent to see if she’d be interested. But I have yet to do so.
I’ve got the excuses ready. It was book fair and they’re always busy then, it’s Christmas, they’ll be busy with their families.
And the excuses have turned into something darker. Why would they want an email from me? Why would I send my ‘juvenile’ work to them? Who do I think I am?
And the best one: You’re not good enough, Helen.
As I dillied and dallied and allowed these thoughts to get darker and deeper making the simple act of sending an email excruciatingly terrifying, I happened to be scrolling TikTok. Naturally. And I saw this:
“I’ve never sat down and thought, I’m just going to stay here and wait for something to happen to me. I’ve got no embarrassment or shame about emailing a TV company, or head of a TV company and going, have you thought about this?”