So, this happened...

A story about not giving up (after giving up A LOT in the past)

It’s still sinking in. A few days ago I received an email invitation to join a group called Substack Bestsellers. And I thought, what the flip, is this a scam?! With trepidation I ignored that pessimistic voice forever in my head and clicked on the link to sign up. It’s a group run by Substack sharing the benefits you receive as a ‘top publisher’.

Top publisher. Me. Yes, I can’t believe it either.

[For those who aren’t aware, Substack is the platform I use to host these emails].

And then this morning I looked at my profile on the Substack app to check something and there it was. A little orange tick to show I am a Substack bestseller with hundred(s) of paid subscribers.

I hoped I’d make it this far. But I didn’t believe I would.

It’s taken me two years. Well, two years plus change. And I’m sat here at my desk, in the house on my own, and feeling…well, just phew. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy, joyous in fact. I’ve dreamed of this day for ages. But all I can think is, will I lose my tick if I drop a few subscribers? (I’m laughing as I write that!)

When an athlete finally wins a gold medal they often say, immediately after the race, that their main emotion is relief that they’ve achieved it. That all the work paid off. And I guess that’s a little how I’m feeling.

Eighteen years of writing online; a decade of fighting procrastination through lack of confidence and massive fears. Years of starting creative projects and not seeing them through. Starting books and abandoning them. Creating courses then phasing them out. Creating different blogs and websites and then closing them down. Undertaking courses then too scared to put what I’ve learned into practice. Not submitting to publishers and agents because I was afraid. My stop-start journey with YouTube. Hyper-fixating on Instagram then abandoning it.

Two years of writing on Substack. Sticking with it through burnout and anxiety.

And here I am. Still here.

In all the years of being online, I’ve never, ever had a tick mark next to my name. I’ve certainly never been called a bestseller.

It goes without saying that I thank you. All my subscribers. Every single one of you. Paid, unpaid, complimentary - everyone for opening my emails, sharing them, recommending me to others, liking the post, joining the non-fiction book club and talking books with me and for reading my words. What that means to me is immense.

Getting paid to write is an absolute dream come true.

Thank you.

So, if you’re currently feeling scared of taking the plunge into a creative project. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the work and hours you have to put in. If you’re questioning who will want to read your writing. If you’re thinking it’s noisy enough online without your words adding to it. If you’re afraid of sharing your writing and thoughts with the world. If you’re thinking what’s the point you’ll never be able to earn money from your creativity.

Then I know exactly how you feel.

But all it takes is a single step. You might start a Substack newsletter and become a bestseller in six months. Or it might take you five years or more. You don’t know until you try.

If you’re yearning to do something like this, whatever it is, but fear and lack of confidence is standing in your way - I was there too. But I started to take one small step - a teeny-tiny step - after another - my stomach knotting with nerves every time I took a step. Sometimes my legs shook like jelly too. But gradually it became slightly less nerve-racking. Gradually my legs stopped shaking and my stomach stopped knotting (although it’s here a little writing this post!)

Gradually I became comfortable with how I write. With clicking on the publish button. But it took time.

Never compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.

If you’re looking for a sign to start your creative project - then this is it. Give it a go. It could be the best creative decision you ever made.

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