I’m reaching the point where I will be stepping away from my desk for a while. The Christmas chores are a-calling me: the Christmas tree needs putting up (we appear to be very late this year compared to everyone else), I’d like to prepare some festive food because the fridge has been empty for weeks; as I type this I’m multi-tasking by writing a list on a post-it of food to add to the Christmas order, and I want to put the fairy lights up in the windows.
I don’t feel particularly festive right now, maybe it’s because I’m still working, and I’m missing that feeling.
But before I go I wanted to summarise my creative year. It has been quite a year, a year of two halves. The first half of the year involved recovery from burnout. That was not fun. And from the end of August onwards I gained fresh energy, increased momentum and threw myself into my writing and YouTube. Proving burnout doesn’t mean the end for our creativity.
What worked for me during 2023
Allowing myself to rest and do absolutely nothing during burnout. Once I realised what was happening I didn’t fight it. I couldn’t. If I did do some writing, I continued with my Substack throughout but at times it was really pared back, I took some time after publishing the post to recover.
When I came back in August I caught myself, once more, trying to take on too much. Women do that, I find. We think we can do all the things. We expect it of ourselves, and then when we can’t achieve it, when self-imposed deadlines are missed we give ourselves so much grief. You’re not good enough, you’re not talented enough or you’re so lazy, we tell ourselves. Even this morning after a lazy start to the day, I physically didn’t feel like I could spring out of bed and bounce to my desk - I felt a smidgen of guilt. Even though I worked all day yesterday on a Sunday. But I am trying not to take on too much. As much as I’d like to do all the creative things: courses, live masterclasses, productivity sessions, twice-weekly essays and videos and writing three or four books at a time, I know I can’t. And I’m aware of when I’m feeling guilty and give myself a good talking to.
Related to the above I reduced my Substack from eight to ten pieces per month to about five or six in order to write my book proposal. I’m learning all the time about how I work and how I write and I find if I’m writing a few thousand words on my Substack every week, I don’t have anything left in the tank for my book. It’s not just a time thing, it’s a ‘how much creative energy do I have left’ thing. I can only write so much in a week. And once I’ve reached the threshold my mind goes blank and needs to rest and refill before it starts again.
I’ve had an up-and-down relationship with YouTube. One minute I love it, the next I’m getting all stressed so I back off from it. I love creating videos. Always have since I discovered how to do it. But there was always an element of guilt there because I wasn’t writing. But, as you can see from point no. 3, I physically can’t write all the time. I’ve now changed how I view YouTube. I see it as a way of being creative without writing (although I still sometimes write scripts or notes for the videos). It’s a break from writing and allows me to refuel. Now I’ve taken the guilt away and see it as part of my overall creative joy - well, then it’s been a lot easier to stay consistent. Guilt has a lot to answer for. We always think we should be doing something else.
I was incredibly productive on my book proposal during September and then in October, I hit a bit of a wall. I worked out that the tasks I’d given myself to do that month just seemed too daunting. They were too big and it allowed the old fears to creep back in. So, I broke the tasks down into even smaller ones. Breaking projects into really small tasks allows me to complete them fairly quickly. This provides momentum, which in turn provides motivation which leads to increased confidence. I can look at all the tasks I’ve achieved and feel a real sense of achievement which leads to an increase in confidence.
What I achieved during 2023
Recovery from burnout. That’s no small achievement. I’m incredibly grateful that I gave myself that time and space to recover.
Balance, of sorts. I’m still working on it and I still get things wrong. But it is better. As is my working smarter and not harder. Again, this is work in progress.
Acknowledging when I feel guilty and giving myself a good talking-to when I do.
Thirty-seven YouTube videos - most of which were created from the end of August onwards. It’s not so much the number, however, it’s the consistency. I don’t think I’ve ever been so consistent for so long and this is all because of what I wrote above.
I started this Substack in June of 2022 and have been consistently writing on here since then. It has evolved, I’ve allowed it to evolve and not been rigid with rules and so on. And it’s also changed its name from The Red Fern to The Anxious Writer. In January I’m starting a new project: The Non-Fiction Book Club - beginning with The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Which I’m really excited about. And I’m thoroughly looking forward to continuing with it and building a community here. Growing on Substack is not a quick project. It takes time, patience and love.
A re-write of my book proposal. It’s not finished yet - I really wanted it to be finished before the end of the year. But it’s close. And, I feel ready for the next stage: for it to go out on submission. I’m scared, of course I am. I worry about how I’ll react to rejection and whether this will send me hiding under the desk again. But I do feel ready. And excited for the next chapter. And to start writing something else for a while.
I also achieved:
A reduction in my scrolling time. I’ve taken a step back from Twitter/X and I’m rarely on Instagram. Instead, I’ve been picking up a book or texting friends. My TikTok addiction is ongoing but I see this as entertainment. I have fallen into ‘drumming-tok’ and I’m not complaining (my daughter is now in a band which might explain that!)
I’ve read several non-fiction books this year: a re-read of Show Your Work, The Success Myth by Emma Gannon, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, and various other books. During my burnout, I couldn’t read much at all, so getting back into the habit has been a slow process. I’ve also read more fiction: Janice Hallett, Robert Galbraith, Richard Osman, Yellowface and lots more - particularly cosy murders. I’m currently reading a Poirot and I’m thinking of challenging myself to read as many Agatha Christies as I can next year - in order of publication.
Planning my projects at the beginning of every month. I didn’t always stick to the plan but it really helped me see where I wanted to go and focus on what was important to me (and not get distracted by the ‘shiny’!)
My writing during 2023
Some of my favourite essays from 2023 are:
What’s wrong with just ticking along? A post about my frustration with burnout. How it changed me, how it changed my creative life and the devastation it caused. I had to re-think, I had to adapt and remember I was no longer the person I was a year ago.
Why I romanticise my writing life. The reasoning behind my desk aesthetic, my little rituals and colouring in rectangles in my planning journal.
The four points that really inspired me from Show Your Work by Austin Kleon and Are you neglecting your writing in favour of growing a following? Both these essays were inspired by Austin Kleon and I thoroughly enjoyed taking a non-fiction book and adding my experiences to it. This has directly led to the creation of The Non-Fiction Book Club which I’m so excited about.
My videos during 2023
Some of my favourite videos from 2023
My most popular video from 2023 has got to be the one about Substack. I was so shocked that this one has taken off so well (for me) and it has also received so many lovely comments and helped people create their own Substacks. This gives me joy! (I also put a picture of myself on the thumbnail which made me feel massively vulnerable but didn’t seem to put people off!)
For me, when I think about my favourite video, it has to be the one below. It starts with a dog walk with my friend and her dog during autumn, my favourite time of year. And I loved the music I put with it. It’s the small things that give me so much pleasure.
💫 If you’d like 2024 to be the year when you fully embrace your writing and creativity then why not join The Non-Fiction Book Club? 💫
I know I’ve referred to The Non-Fiction Book Club in this post already but, if you haven’t seen it we’re going to be reading The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron from the beginning of January. It’s free to join - the instructions as to how are in the post. There will be bonus content however for paid subscribers.
I expect The Non-Fiction Book Club to increase my workload significantly. Writing and YouTube are how I make my living so if you value what I do, and you can afford it, I would love it if you would support the time I’ll be investing in this project and become a paid subscriber.
Plus until 31st December 2023, I’m offering 20% off annual subscription plans forever.
I’m grateful for any support from you. Whether that’s becoming a free or paid subscriber, sharing my posts or videos, and commenting on my work. It’s all gratefully appreciated.🧡
For paid subscribers, below, I’ll be sharing my stats from Substack and YouTube.
If you celebrate Christmas I hope you have a wonderful time. Do try and get some rest! I’ll be back sometime between Christmas and the New Year.