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Therapy Truck's avatar

We WERE told we could have it all! I'm on the tail end of the Boomers, and that message cost me dearly. I got married, on schedule, but found out no babies would be had. And that message really changed my whole life. I was now on this journey just for me. I went back to university in my forties and had my dream career as an educator before retiring. And now I read posts from a writer in the UK who adores mysteries and 'Working Girl'. She says she often doesn't have it together, but she inspires me so much, so I think she is plenty together. I mean, just today, it looks like she used some blossoms from her garden in her journal. Beautiful! Very clever and it made me smile just thinking of how much fun she had creating. You have shared another wonderful piece, Helen. Thank you❣️

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Frayed Bouquet💐By Tami Dawn's avatar

I read this at the perfect time for me. Thank you Helen--I love your posts, and this one seemed written just for me. I need to slow down, to listen to self, but that is not what I have been conditioned to do, raised in a rather cult-y, high-demand religion. Even though I've lived half a lifetime away from it, that conditioning echoes in all I do. I've raised 6 kids, have 10 grandkids, & a husband with needs and dreams more important than mine (it seems so to me), and still the dreams of my own (most of them) are sitting on that back burner, calling out to me.

I have found that life circumstances have had me in a constant internal renegotiation for a few years now, for several "important" reasons (at least, I tell myself they are important). What can I let go of? What do I absolutely keep? Do any of my dreams even matter? It seems not, not when I am constantly being bombarded by the needs of others.

And then, 2 months ago, I get hit with an emotional trauma that breaks me, and I'm near drowning for over a month. In the midst of that drowning, I get slammed AGAIN... suddenly and unexpectedly. This time trauma hits me in the form of a freak accident. In my very own tranquil backyard garden, I trip and fall, my head slams so hard into my house that it breaks my back. Literally-- a broken back. Is this another kind of renegotiation? Is this the universe trying to tell me something? I think it is.

After 4 weeks of sitting in the same position, staring out the window and literally watching the branches grow on the tree I see outside, I hear refrains of hard conversations that must be had, because even in this state I find myself in, I see that I am ultimately on my own. Living a life giving service to others is a good thing, and I do believe that, but when you become unrecognizable to yourself, become lost and invisible, then that is a tragedy. At least it feels like a tragedy to me. I could be wrong. Regardless, the universe IS trying to tell me something, and it's definitely slowed me down enough so I have no choice but to listen. (hmmm... maybe I should use this comment to write more about this, dig deeper, further investigate? ...hmmm...

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