Do You Feel Your Writing is Enough?

Or, are you constantly looking for offerings to supplement it?

It had just gone midnight last Friday morning when my mind was blown. Blown, astounded and with the realisation that I’d never see things the way I used to ever again. You know that emoji with wide, white eyes, with its face in its hands and a wild silent scream? Well, that’s how I’ve looked ever since.

You possibly know already, but maybe you don’t so I’ll do a tiny recap. I’ve been struggling with burnout since November of 2022. In the last few months, I’ve felt better: lighter, not so tired and with a growing desire to get back to my desk and Crack On With All The Things.

Before I could do that, however, I had the school summer holidays and a family holiday booked. I broke up from writing and my business with a sense of reluctance. I was raring to do all the things yet the timing was forcing me to postpone whilst my energy was on the rise. But I spent some time in the sunshine: reading, sleeping, swimming and jumping through waves pretty much being the main activities and I felt all the better for it.

As it turns out the holiday was extremely well-timed. If I’d carried on at my desk I would’ve been writing, mentoring and doing all the things on my Substack and quite possibly returning to my old pre-burnout ways. By early October, if not before, I’d probably be showing burnout symptoms once again.

Last week, when I did return to my desk, I created my first video in six months for YouTube, I created mini-vlogs for socials (and creative joy), I journaled, wrote a Substack piece, recorded a podcast and brainstormed all the ideas I’d been having over the past month.

By Thursday I had slowed down considerably. Not from the creativity, I’d been doing all my favourite things, but the brainstorming had scared me. I’d written down all my ideas with the intention of undertaking most if not all of them. As I re-read the list with a pit of anxiety in my tummy I realised it was all too much. But what do I cut?

By the time I went to bed that evening, I was still thinking of my big list. And as I am wont to do once my eyes close and I get comfy on the pillow, I started to get ideas so I had to sit up and write them down on my phone. Sometimes I write in the notes function but this time I sent myself three emails.

1. Why Yellowface by xxxx [it was late and I couldn’t think of the author’s name] has made me think twice about being trad published. [Coming soon to a Substack near you.]

2. Ooops I did it again. Taking on too much work. Scrub the bite-sized courses.

A-ha, so that’s what I need to cut from my list.

And then, eleven minutes later…

3. I was adding courses etc because deep down I didn’t think my writing was enough.

😱

I was adding mentoring, bite-sized courses, events, masterclasses and a new idea I’d added to the brainstorming a few days previously: live productivity sessions - not just on Substack but to my business plan as a whole because I didn’t value my writing on its own.

I didn’t think people would pay a subscription just to read my writing. I felt I had to offer something transformative, like a course, in addition to my writing to make it worth their while. And that is despite this thread where so many said they value my writing.

You know when something is obvious but you don’t see it because you’re pulled far inside so it’s hard to see clearly? Well, that’s exactly where I was. But thankfully a holiday, time away from my desk and switching my brain off through books and yes, computer games (I’ve ditched Candy Crush and I’m now playing Plants vs Zombies) was what I needed to make the connection.

When I was on holiday a lady asked me what I did. I replied “I’m a writer,” but then caveated it with my mentoring. On my socials, I describe myself as a “writer and a mentor”. I told myself I’d get back into mentoring after I’d recovered from burnout as it made financial sense to do so. The bite-sized courses, masterclasses and productivity sessions are all in the mentoring arena.

Could it be that instead of making financial sense for me to return to mentoring I was actually hiding behind the mentoring? Creating events using Eventbrite, creating bite-sized courses, going live for a productivity or a writing session…these were actually shiny objects I’d been chasing. I’d watched other creatives set up memberships, produce regular courses, and most recently use the new subscription function on Instagram and got excited by the shiny possibilities, the new technology, and the ability to branch out. And instead of doing the harder thing and finishing my writing project, I was distracted.

In my quest to chase the shiny, I was hiding from my own writing - I was scared of throwing myself one hundred percent into it. Additionally, in my efforts to ‘keep up’ with other creatives - was I not just burning myself out?

Again, we go back to, I wasn’t valuing my writing. I felt I had to do something ‘as well as’ in case the writing didn’t work out.

I thought my writing wasn’t enough. For you. And for me. I was wrong.

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I created a Note here on Substack:

And received some really insightful replies:

26thAvenuePoet

said “I will say that I’ve noticed a number of people here (not thinking of you, Helen) who seem deeply engaged in hosting classes or competitions, or improving one thing or another about how their Substack itself is presented. And I wonder sometimes: With all that activity, do they have the heart and energy left over to, well, write? Because I’m not sure I would.”

I know 26thAvenuePoet said they weren’t thinking of me but, this is exactly me. Or at least, it was how I thought I should be. And that in itself depleted my energy. I couldn’t get excited about creating bite-sized courses for Substack, at least not in the current format. As part of an essay - yes. But a course structured on it’s own as a course. No. But it was there nagging at me. Overwhelming me. Distracting me and putting me off my business as a whole.

Our creative energy is not infinite. We need to regularly refill it but there are some activities that just drain you. For me it was my membership club, creating masterclasses and mentoring. This doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it at the time. But it sapped my creative energy and I’d none left for my own writing. I didn’t want to go through all that again.

Becky Handley

commented “So many people said that they become a paid subscriber because they enjoy the persons writing and want to support them. I’ve fallen into the trap of spending my time thinking (and worrying) about courses I could offer and it just stops me creating.”

Becky, I’ve felt the same. The overwhelm is real.

And

Jodie Benveniste

in a similar vein said, “Thank you for expressing this Helen! When I first conceived of my Substack, my brain went straight to - create courses - which I’ve done a lot of. But then, I stopped myself and asked, why am I here on Substack, what was the initial impulse? And it was about writing - a creative project - and not a ‘make another course project’. I’ve needed to keep checking in and staying aligned, and yes, backing myself.”

Karen Robinson

also had a fantastic response “Yep! I just want to write. I want to express. I want to share. But having been a coach for over 20 years, a mother for 36 years and all the other care related roles I have had since childhood, I don’t want to make a course, run a programme, or do anything that involves actually looking after people any more. That may change but for now this is for me. Me me me! Sounds indulgent to some but that’s the honest truth!”

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Thank you all who responded to my Substack Note. I’m taking your wise words on board. I’ll be processing all of this a lot more in the coming days and I’m positive my Substack will be stronger for it.