A Return to Writing My Novel
Includes the eighth draft of the very first chapter.
Well, It’s been seven years since I last properly worked on my novel. Seven years. I know I’ve written a book proposal since then. Moved house, lived through a Covid pandemic, raised my children and waved one off to university, started a Substack newsletter and a YouTube channel, mentored lots of female writers and creatives from all over the world - plus edited little bits of the novel. But even so. Seven years.
At the end of this year is my fiftieth birthday. I’m making changes to various aspects of my life and one of the changes is to stop fannying about and get this damn novel finished. As I wrote here, my novel has now made it to one of my priority goals for the first quarter of 2025. It is happening.
Finishing my book proposal has encouraged me. I now know I can finish projects. I have to trick myself sometimes, I have to break the project down into really small steps, I have to move lots of post-its about as I complete each task, but I no longer have that belief that I can start but not finish creative projects.
Having little self-belief in my (fiction) writing has been debilitating. I’m fairly confident in real life. I mean, I don’t like making phone calls but I can talk to people in person, I can assert myself, I can be opinionated and loud. I’ve got a degree in business, I worked in the city of London and organised events at Claridges and Somerset House. I’ve stood on a stand representing the company I worked for at a conference and spoke to Prince Charles (as he was back then). I made a speech at my wedding - not wanting the men to get to say everything or to speak for me. Yet when it comes to my own written words - I genuinely don’t know what happens. I don’t see what others tell me they can see.
The only thing I can think is that all those brave moments of mine - including moving to Bristol from Derbyshire and then to London, moving in with two strangers in a flat share, going on a blind date (with a man who is now my husband) - all this happened to the person I was before I had children.
Before children I was assertive, go-getting, ambitious. After children I was terrified, small, I no longer knew who I was. My confidence disappeared and refused to reappear for a very long time.
Funnily enough my novel is all about a go-getting career woman who loses her self and her confidence after having her baby. She then has to spend time figuring out who she really is and what she wants from life. Sound familiar?
So what am I doing at the moment with my novel? Well, I seem to have a draft six and a draft eight. I don’t know what happened to draft seven. It might be hidden in the dusty depths of my laptop. There are significant changes between the two but, I think I prefer draft six - so I need to figure all of that out.
Like with my proposal I’m going to break it all down chapter by chapter. I like to see it all visually and I can identify where the gaps are.
I’ve read the two drafts through. Grimaced at certain bits, rolled my eyes and cringed with embarrassment at others. But on the whole I think it’s okay. It’s got possibilities. At the moment it’s very much about plot and I need to work on Eve’s character and her deterioration a lot more. Plus one of the main secondary characters needs building up massively. And I rush through scenes in order to get to the next one. So lots more detail is needed.
I’m actually looking forward to getting stuck back into it. And obviously, I’ll be sharing the process with you.
In the meantime I thought I’d share chapter one with you. It needs work so I’m not sharing for feedback at this stage but just so I can get used to being brave again. If my character is going to do it, then so do I. It’s research!
(I’ve put it behind the paywall because I’m being brave whilst being vulnerable. But not that brave. There is 35% off at the moment, though.)